Tuesday, April 28, 2015

the marriage debate. today

Dear America:

How do I say this? I love everyone. I really do. I really am so happy and even excited for my friends to make their own choices. To do the things that they believe will make them happy. I am sad about the limitations that I believe some choices will have on them though. I am really sad, and I would that I could give them some hope to live in such a way as to not limit themselves in life and in the eternities--after this life. I know it is so exciting to them, and I am happy for that. I am excited for them to choose. It breaks my heart that some of their choices are so limiting though. Honestly, we just don't all want the same things. Some people are willing to take the limitations. And God is willing to let everyone choose what he or she wants in this life, because honestly, if you don't want God now (in this life) you're not going to want Him later in the eternities. What do you want? I am so excited that everyone gets to choose! Everyone can follow his or her passion and interest, however weird or crooked or limiting it may be, or freeing, liberating, and exalting (though not in the sense that most people think of the word. Freedom without consequence is no freedom at all. It is chaos. Chaos is most definitely not freedom. hello). 

America can choose too. I'm excited for that too! I love that America gets to choose! I love that. Of course there will be consequences. There always are. I love that America gets to choose too though. I just wish America would choose freedom. It is her name, after all. But I don't believe in freedom without consequence. So here are the consequences I believe go naturally with making a choice to commit yourself to someone of the same sex (personally I think that's gross, but if that's what you choose to do, okay), I believe that we should support the natural consequences of such choices. Naturally our bodies do not prevent us from forming such intimate, ewe, relations, but naturally our bodies do prevent us from having babies, and thus from 'growing' or 'multiplying' our families from two to three, four, or however many more. No children. Enough said. If you want children then maybe rethink things. Rethink your commitments. 

What is marriage? Is it a license to have children? Not really, people have children outside of wedlock all the time. It's becoming more and more common though honestly if you want the best for your children, and for your relationship I'd suggest and research strongly backs me up in saying Get married first! Before you have sex even! Yes research does back that up, and we think we're so smart. We don't even know the basics. We even fight them when they're presented to us as if we are the anomaly and the research is somehow biased. Amazing. Sickening, really, how off everyone's priorities and prejudices are. But most people really don't know better and don’t bother to find out until they're already enslaved in the cultural mind trap so, that just really sucks though that we're so enslaved to an educational and cultural system that prioritizes all the tangential things above the basic necessities of life but whatever. Viva la vida.

As far as nationally supporting marriage goes, do we really want to support such a relationship that isn't self-sustaining on its own, that doesn't have the capacity to recreate? I'm kind of caught up in the belief of sustainability, and self-sustainability for individuals, families, businesses, et al. It's kind of a principle of life that I just think is a principle of life and honestly, why deny it? I don't believe in supporting the creation of a culture of incompetence. Of dependencies. I don't think it's good for the fiber of our nation. To support anything that doesn’t have what it takes, if you will, from the set, without everyone else’s handouts, not to mention riding on the territory of religious and other organizations that actually respect the biological origin of a child as manifest in their adoption practices of agencies now closed in states where Same Sex Marriage is supported, that just isn’t wise.

America, what do you think? Are you going to toggle the fence on this one? Never a good idea. Just sayin'.

I don't believe in sperm and egg banking, one of the prominent measures of getting past nature’s laws (consequences and limitations) for same sex couples, on the foundation that it is completely irresponsible. The biological fathers and mothers of those sperms and eggs are being paid to be irresponsible. Will they be paying monthly child care? Don’t make me laugh. Will the child know anything about his or her biological line? Umm, I’m guessing probably not as it seems same sex couples prefer the pretended reality instead.

Sperm and egg ‘donors’ are paid to be irresponsible and thoughtless of the success of their own life and blood—their own posterity. Where are you geneaology people out there? I know you exist. Where are you hiding? And you genogram people? Do you think nothing of your own lines? If you don’t know how important biological parenting is then I’d suggest spending some time in the literature. Spend some time talking with children of divorce. You can talk to me J Biological parenting is kind of a big deal. Do we really want to support an incompetent system? Do we really want to support irresponsibility of such basic natures? Hello. I thought America was more than that. Am I wrong America? Am I wrong? AM I WRONG? I want to know!

The marriage certificate is a benefits card for families, is it not? Well, do we want to support incompetent couples? When a child deserves a mom and dad to replace the mom and dad he or she lost, idk, why aren’t we facilitating that? I don’t care who you are, it’s not the same. By any means. I don’t really want to be degrading so I’ll just let that sit there.

Wake up America! Wake up! Where are you, why are you silent? Why are you sleeping? Why has everyone forgotten? Who we are! Who we need to be! We are strong, aren’t we? Don’t settle for a culture of incompetence. It’s not a good idea. Irresponsibility is not a good idea. To what each child deserves, a mom and a dad. That is a consequence of birth. You biologically get a mom and a dad, biologically. That is a consequence of birth. I believe in supporting natural consequences. If a child loses his or her mom and dad at birth or somewhere down the line then facilitate a ‘best biological match’.

A person who is female is not just a person and a person who is male is not just a person. Gender is an essential part of identity. It limits you in some ways. It opens doors to you in other ways. Accept it. The real way is always the safest way. The must sustainable way too. 

I hope we still want to lead. I hope we care about the sustainability of our nation at its core--our individual families. Do you care America? Do you care about yourself? Or are you going to follow the crowd? Are you also deceived by the cultural cries? Or do you know who you are? Will you answer me? America do you know who you are? Or have you forgotten? Don't lay this heavy tax to support the incompetence and irresponsibility of those who aren't willing to take responsibility for their choices and own up to the natural consequences and limitations thereof. America was brought forth out of the very belief in competence and responsibility. I know we don't represent it in our politics where manipulation is employed over *intelligent debate. We have a lot of shame to swallow. Help us to be the independent. responsible. competent leaders that we esteem to be and to help others become. Help us to strengthen our core that we may grow stronger, and protect us from weakness.

This is my hope America. What is yours? What is yours? I guess that's what I want to know.

Goodnight America. I'll wait to hear from you tomorrow. <3

****And please excuse my rude language. I've not really put together any political prose, ever, and was at a loss for what to do, but I couldn't/wouldn't respect myself if I were to stay silent. So though I've thought of this for some time, and written other prose that died silently without publishing it, my letter to America is really a quick write-up that hasn't gone through any reviewal :) Sometimes that's the best and sometimes not but I don't really have a choice at this point. 

I am grateful for this country. I really am. I don't show it enough but I am trying to improve. I am grateful for the people I get to share this land and this experience with. I really care about them. And I care about my family and posterity (maybe? should I have that blessing). I would be completely irresponsible if I weren't to voice my thoughts and feelings at this time, with what I know. I hope you'll overlook the rude language and appreciate the gesture and the intention behind it--regardless your background.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Some Day

I am kind of speechless. This is my grandma and grandpa. Aren't they beautiful? <3

My grandma took her life the year before I was born. She had a number of health complications, women problems, and in trying to help her get better the doctors only made things worse--much worse. Little do most of us know--our security even in health was paid for by my grandma and countless other 'experiments', if you will. The therapeutic remedies, however primitive, were given with the best of intentions, I believe, though they took their toll--not just on her but the entire family. My mom has a difficult time speaking about it, and why bring up something so painful? She loves her very much though. So does my grandpa.

As a young girl I remember always responding to the question "Who would you most like to meet from the past?" with the same answer: "My grandma". I mentioned her in my prayers on countless occasions. I like to believe that I spent the the year before my birth in heaven, with her--learning from her while preparing for my own journey on earth. How grateful I am for the person she was and is.

As a young girl in primary I sang a song about living in heaven with people I love before coming to earth. It goes like this:

"I lived in heaven a long time ago it is true; lived there and loved there with people I know. So did you. Then Heavenly Father presented a beautiful plan, all about earth and eternal salvation for man.

"Jesus was chosen, and as the Messiah he came, conquering evil and death through his glorious name, giving us hope of a wonderful life yet to be--home in that heaven where Father is waiting for me.

"Father said he needed someone who had enough love to give his life so we all could return there above. There was another who sought for the honor divine. Jesus said, 'Father, send me, and the glory be thine.'"

I love the song. I love all of the Primary Children's songs, really. I loved singing time in Primary. I sang loud and clear in my best voice that choir training hadn't yet subdued to conformity. The choristers were wonderful. I love the peaceful feeling that comes when I sing and/or read the songs. I love it so much! If I could change one thing it would be the context. I would add the context to the songs. 

The "Book of Mormon Stories" song, for example, includes the scriptural context:

  1. 1. Book of Mormon stories that my teacher tells to me
    Are about the Lamanites in ancient history.
    Long ago their fathers came from far across the sea,
    Giv'n the land if they lived righteously.
  2. 2. Lamanites met others who were seeking liberty,
    And the land soon welcomed all who wanted to be free.
    Book of Mormon stories say that we must brothers be,
    Giv'n the land if we live righteously.
  3. Optional verses for "Book of Mormon Stories":
  4. 3. Alma was rebellious, and he fought against the right.
    Then one day an angel came to turn him to the light.
    Struck before his brethren, Alma learned humility.
    Then he taught in the land righteously.
  5. 4. Don't forget Abinadi, who stood before the king.
    All chained up from head to toe, the gospel he did bring.
    If he would deny it, then the king would set him free.
    He was true, and he died righteously.
  6. 5. Ammon was a missionary serving Lamanites,
    Tending King Lamoni's sheep for several days and nights.
    Robbers came; he saved the sheep by fighting fearlessly.
    He had learned he could live righteously.
  7. 6. Once two thousand sons of God were called to fight the foe.
    Marching as an army into battle they did go.
    They believed that Christ the Lord their guardian would be.
    They had learned they should live righteously.
  8. 7. Samuel the Lamanite, high on the city wall,
    Came to warn the people, and repentance was his call.
    Arrows could not hit him, for a man of God was he,
    And he taught in the land righteously.
  9. 8. After Christ was crucified and died for you and me,
    He came forth to teach the truth to all who would be free.
    Hands were laid upon each child. He blessed them tenderly,
    And they lived in the land righteously.
There are many ways to add the inherent context. That was just one example. I believe contextual songs and literature add so much more value to learning and growth because they lead one to ponder and to ask questions as opposed to assume. They lead to thinking about the scriptural accounts of prophets and others who have given testimony to God's promises to them and to others. That is where the real value lies, in pondering others' experiences and testimonies in context of one's own experience and testimony as opposed to one's 'assumed' experience and testimony. 

I suppose that's a bit of a tangent. I just wanted to say how much I love the songs though, and the feeling of peace, love, and joy that they give me, that they've always given me, and what I would change to make them even more meaningful and effectual in helping us to grow.

Tangent aside, I don't by any means consider my grandma's life a failure for having taken it. She gave so much to my mom. I hope not to disappoint her, or at least not permanently so, and I really look forward to meeting her some day <3

Have a great week everyone. Cherish those around you, and if you believe, don't forget those beyond the veil--whose presence cannot always be seen. I believe their lives yet have immeasurable value and purpose--those who've yet to come, and those who've already lived to love and fulfill their purpose in this life. How much we could learn from them if given the opportunity.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


Last Saturday and today <3

Have a beautiful week! 

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Family Reslience

Beautiful Mess

Last Thursday morning I received this group text message from my Mom:

"Grandma blacked out and fell yesterday while walking to Michelle's house. She knocked out some teeth and broke her jaw in 3 places. Dad and I went with grandpa this morning to take her to the surgeon. She had two plates put in and her jaw is wired shut. It will stay wired for 6 to 8 weeks. The surgery went well this morning and she is in good spirits. She is home resting now. She still wants to have the Easter egg hunt and barbecue tomorrow. Dad and I will be helping grandpa so that can happen. Just wanted you all to know so you can send your love and prayers her way. She will be happy to see everyone tomorrow!"

My grandma is absolutely amazing. I'm not really worried about her, other than I don't really know if her Arthritis will affect her healing process. I hope that she will make a full recovery. Seriously my grandma is so awesome though. Yesterday when the extended family visited her for the easter barbecue and egg hunt she was her normal perky self. She spoke really clearly without moving her face. I didn't know that was possible!

I'm grateful for my grandparents. Technically my grandpa is my last biologically related grandparent alive, but my grandma has been with him since I was a young girl and she just adopted every one of us as her own. Oh I wonder if I can share a picture of them! I specifically avoid uploading pictures, especially family pictures, but I wonder if I could get everyone's permission. My grandparents had us take a picture of them on their couch with all the new babies minus one--a baby on each leg and two in the middle, four boys and two girls. Oh it was adorable! And though my grandma can't open her mouth much she can still smile!

I would love to be just like my grandma some day. She is such an admirable woman! She has so much joy in life--in loving and taking care of my grandpa and the rest of the family. And she has suffered a fair amount of sorrow for the loss of loved ones as well which, I suppose, only makes her that much more amazing for her willingness to keep her heart open. She and my grandpa. That's the mark of a true mom and dad, a true grandparent I believe. True families love no matter what. No matter what. Come sun or rain, come joy and pain, the door is always open. True families aren't perfect, but true families can get over that. Because that's what family is. They are resilient. I came to expect that resiliency in people in general and was sorely disappointed when I ventured out on my own. There is only one place you can call family. And even when that fails you, God will not. He will never, can never forget those who seek Him earnestly. And Christ, well I don't really understand his sacrifice. I'm not going to pretend to. But yeah you never forget anyone you make sacrifices for, especially sacrifices of the heart and soul. The godhead as I understand it from scriptural doctrine and experience, is a perfect model of resilience. 

To be resilient surely does not mean to be perfect, at least not in the way we are accustomed to think of perfection. Surely you do not need to be perfect, ever, in order to be resilient. What a laugh. Else we'd all be in tough luck. Too deep for me that's for sure. It is such expectations that would cause the erosion of one's very desire for the continuation of an 'imperfect' relationship. But what is perfection, honestly? Honestly. I don't think it is anything like what we traditionally conceive it to be. 

Anyway, this all goes to express my appreciation for my grandparents' resiliency. For their love. For their life. For the life they share with me and the rest of my family. What a legacy, to be remembered for the love you had for, and shared with, your family--even if/when that love is expressed as sorrow and disappointment for one's losses within one's own family. What a legacy. To never give up. That's life. That's living. To never give up. 

I suppose I ought-a share something from conference, perhaps, though the talks aren't up yet. The Relief Society General Conference talks are up though, and I found the perfect story that relates perfectly with the topic thus far. In her talk, "The Family is of God", Sister Carole M. Stephens relates the story of "Sister Yazzie of the Chinle Arizona Stake" who, like my grandma, "doesn't limit her love and influence to her biological family. Sister Stephens had recently visited Sister Yazzie in her hogan (home, I am guessing?) and asked her about how many grandchildren she had after taking a glance at her wall and surrounding tables filled with framed photos of family and missionaries. To her surprise Sister Yazzie's daughter answered that "She doesn't know how many grandchildren she has. We don't count. All children call her Grandmother--she is Grandmother to everyone." 

My biological grandmother died a year before I was born, and you know, speaking on her behalf, if I were her I couldn't be more grateful to my grandmother who adopted all of us as her own. I really couldn't be more grateful. She has done what my biological grandmother would have done--I really believe that. And what mother, what mother would settle for anything less for her children and grandchildren? Or for her husband for that matter, and I'm being perfectly frank when I say that. How could anyone be so mean of heart to expect everyone to suffer endlessly on one's selfish behalf? I'd like to believe that my biological grandmother was not so selfish. I have good reason to believe the opposite, from what my mom shared about her. I love my grandma that adopted all of us, very much. I look forward to meeting my biological grandmother some day too. I know that she loves her children. I know it. And I know that my ancestors love their posterity as well. There are some things I just believe or have hope in but there are some things I know and I know this to be true. She is very much alive. Oh which is a scary thought considering if she's watching over me, which thinking about it now she is else I wouldn't know she's alive and well, oh gosh if she were susceptible to death in heaven she'd probably have died again just watching over me ... that would be sad. She is very much alive and well though, and she loves her children, all of her children, and my other ancestors too. Wow. We ought-a all just man up and be our best selves to each other and rise up to meet our responsibilities for that reason alone. Considering it's not just us, and it's never just us, considering those beyond the veil who earnestly desire our welfare. 

And this is why family is so awesome. And amazing. The words of a primary song come to mind "Where love is, there God is also." God is everywhere, because love is oh so abundant! In all its many forms. How lucky I am to know it.

That's all for tonight though. I hope you have a great week everyone, and take care!

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Good Morning Sunshine

Conference is in Session!!!!!

The prophet and general authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are speaking to us now :) We may not be perfect, but I believe those speaking to us are called of God to do so, and I believe that God will bless us for listening to and pondering on what is being shared with us. xo

How to View Live

Session Viewing Times (MDT)

   General Women's: Saturday, March 28, 6:00 p.m.
   Saturday Morning: Saturday, April 4, 10:00 a.m.
   Saturday Afternoon: Saturday, April 4, 2:00 p.m.
   General Priesthood: Saturday, April 4, 6:00 p.m.
   Sunday Morning: Sunday, April 5, 10:00 a.m.
   Sunday Afternoon: Sunday, April 5, 2:00 p.m.

Digital Channels Viewing

Many local cable and radio stations make conference readily available. Visit www.bonneville.info for broadcast information, or check local listings.
Note: Some viewers have expressed interest in viewing English subtitles for talks given in languages other than English. On the Watch Live conference page it is possible to hear the original language audio, accompanied by English subtitles. In the upper right-hand corner of the web page, select the language audio you would like to hear. Then, in the lower right corner of the viewing window, click on the CC icon to enable closed captioning. You will then be able to hear the message in its original language, while reading the English subtitles.

Meetinghouse Viewing

To view conference sessions at local meetinghouses, check with local leaders on the availability. Visit www.lds.org/maps to find a local meetinghouse.
For information about possible viewing times at meetinghouses, including satellite rebroadcast options, view the broadcast schedule. More specific information for stake technology specialists is available at mhtech.lds.org.

Tickets to Live Event
Tickets are required for admission to these events at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Standby seating for those without tickets may be available on a first-come, first-served basis. The standby line is formed at the north gate on Temple Square.

For more ticketing information, please visitevents.lds.org or call 1-866-537-8457.